Hereditary Behaviour

I suppose most people get to the point of being a parent and ask themselves "What parts of who I am would I like to pass on to my children?" or "How can I set a good example?" Anyone who's been through here could probably tell you that the question isn't as straight forward as it first appears.

I worry that, if I raise my child to be respectful and nice, he'll be bullied. I'm worried that if I teach him to handle himself, he'll be a bully. I'll shamefully admit that although both of those situations are undesirable, one of them worries me less than the other.

I worry that I'll pass my insecurities and faults onto our son, but not my inquisitiveness, not my calm. I'm worried I'll pass on a quick fist wired to a hot head instead of a trusting nature.

How do we try to affect our child? What we tell them is surely a tiny part of it; when even the example we set by our own actions, however hard to keep decent and honest,  is undermined at every turn by the media and pop-culture.

No, I'm not one of those 'Broken-Britain' clowns. I think things are fine - or at least as fine as they've ever been, but there's much less of an impression that one can leave upon a child now.

I'm realizing that we don't get to raise our kids alone, that there's a world out there that's going to raise them too, whether we like it or not; and that's a scary thing to face.

Sacrifice

I'd been told that my life would change, that I would have to make sacrifices. I would have to give up smoking, give up drinking, forget about anything approximating a social life.

The drinking and the social life didn't worry me too much; the one that scared me was smoking. I had come to rely on that little white stick so much. A cigarette was the separator between parts of my day. It was my reward for completing a task, my consolation for doing something that I didn't enjoy.

I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted to quit smoking.

Then it happened: While lurking on reddit.com's stopsmoking section, I came across references to Allen Carr's Easy Way. A little reading told me that I was supposed to read the book and keep smoking while I worked my way through it. At the end of the book, I wouldn't smoke any more. The book even instructs you to smoke at one point: to put down the book and go smoke a cigarette. There's no shock tactics in the book, and no gimmicks.

Now, I'm not trying to plug a product, and I'm not sure that this would work for most people, but I read the book. Now I don't smoke, and have no desire to - not because of any shock tactics it used, but because it helped me realize two things.

The first thing was that, in any addiction, when your cravings are at their worst, it's the last dose that made you feel this way - don't think about the next dose bringing relief - that's temporary. This is the feeling of being a nicotine addict. It's like wearing a pair of too-small shoes and feeling the relief when you take them off. It's a fraud.

The second was that nobody needs to give-up smoking. 'giving up' makes it sound like a sacrifice when, in fact, you're not sacrificing anything - you have only to gain from not smoking, your health, your finances and your social life can only improve.

I'm three weeks free of cigarettes after nearly twenty years as a smoker, and it was so easy. Every time I've tried before I struggled so badly, all it took was an hour of my time and a cheap book.

A little post

Anyone else ever notice the language that midwives and maternity workers use?

Attending our first scan was a shocker for me. Firstly, I was shocked at how many fathers actually turned up to the unit with their partners. Fathers to be in suits, fathers to be in jeans, fathers to be in football shirts with tattoos and sovereign rings: all sorts. Hardly anyone speaks to each other at these places, they're not designed for it; It's probably for the best.

You might wonder what kind of vernacular a nurse or other medical worker might adopt in order to adequately convey ideas to the parents-to-be in order to be universally understood. Wonder no longer, the future is 'littlespeak'.

"I'm going to put a little gel on your belly, there we are, just a little pressure; there's his little legs; there's his little arms; we're just going to take a little look at his little heart."

I barely kept from laughing out loud. What is it about babies that makes people go a little soft in the head?

I suddenly felt so claustrophobic in there, and wondered how much my wife would mind if I left her there and went to get a little drunk.