So America,I'm going to apologize in advance if I upset you - you're one of my favourites, what with you guys landing on the moon and inventing pizza. So if I come across as a bit harsh, or seem to criticize you, or swear a bit much. I'm sorry - this is important though, and I wouldn't moan if I didn't care. Oh well. Here we go.
You've got one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding in the so-called civilized world.
In 2005, A smidgin more than ten percent of you breast fed for the first six-months of your child's life, as opposed to the recommended 100%.
Instead, you fed your baby formula, which has been proven time and time again to be falling short of the job. Kids die because they got formula instead of breast milk. It isn't even legal to advertise this crap here in the UK.
Concerned mothers have been arguing this point for years, but few are really listening, so I think it's time us fathers started to speak up.
America, what the fuck do you have against tits? Are you still hanging onto that puritan act?
Give it up, already. Is it the religion? Do you think God hates tits? He fucking invented them! You allow these large corporations to lie their way into your baby's stomach, risking their lives day after day and you let them! Do you think you'd allow Philip Morris to market cigarettes for babies? Think again, there's not much difference. The free market should not extend as far as risking your children's lives - you should deal with not only the evil morons advertising this trash, but the corrupt politicians they bribed to allow it. I'm personally of the opinion that this is a crime against the future generations of America, and if your children aren't America then I don't know what is. This is Treason! Wake the fuck up!
Think I'm being fatuous? No way: Your kid could die, fail to thrive, become obese or grow up without a properly working immune system because you don't want to ruin your tits, or because you think it's icky or because you bought the bullshit of some slick advertising exec who told you that formula was as good as breast milk. Newsflash - it isn't.
Well diddums. It's time to suck it up and grow a brain - if you really care about your child, and you can breastfeed, you'll breastfeed.
There are reasons that a woman can't breastfeed - I get that, but the ones that won't are either misinformed or selfish.
For those of you who disagree with me, you can email me a response which I'll print and use for toilet paper, for those of you that would object to a woman breastfeeding in public: get a life you inbred wankers.
Lastly, to those of you who breastfeed, I salute you: Stand tall, you proud matriots, you pillars of America, you angels of common-sense, you protectors of the future - let none deride you.
