Tuesday, 29 June 2010

A little post

Anyone else ever notice the language that midwives and maternity workers use?

Attending our first scan was a shocker for me. Firstly, I was shocked at how many fathers actually turned up to the unit with their partners. Fathers to be in suits, fathers to be in jeans, fathers to be in football shirts with tattoos and sovereign rings: all sorts. Hardly anyone speaks to each other at these places, they're not designed for it; It's probably for the best.

You might wonder what kind of vernacular a nurse or other medical worker might adopt in order to adequately convey ideas to the parents-to-be in order to be universally understood. Wonder no longer, the future is 'littlespeak'.

"I'm going to put a little gel on your belly, there we are, just a little pressure; there's his little legs; there's his little arms; we're just going to take a little look at his little heart."

I barely kept from laughing out loud. What is it about babies that makes people go a little soft in the head?

I suddenly felt so claustrophobic in there, and wondered how much my wife would mind if I left her there and went to get a little drunk.